Where did all the time go!

I wish we had more time. I wish we had more time to study for CT2s, for As, I wish we had more time in school because I know I'm going to miss it like hell.

I wish we had more time in ODAC, but at the same time I'm glad we've stepped down because we really do need to mug. Juniors are a decent bunch, and I'm glad for my batch(:

'in this together, out of this together'(: Am very grateful for all my experiences in ODAC and my wonderful batch, am glad I learnt so much and got so much out of it, am glad it helped us to grow. We might not have done all we wanted to do, but I think I've gained quite a lot and made some pretty good friends, not counting the ones who were always my good friends.

PSC fair yesterday, a lady said 'you two kinda look alike'. Haha some things never change.

Unproductive recently): really need to start mugging like mad else I'm gonna see my grades drop oh shoot. No time to start Bio tonight will just finish my first set of history notes and go sleep.

Long hair=mega hot and my neck's been aching the whole day grah. Two concerts this week! And windsurfing(:

Good luck for GP guys!
When Nothing Makes Sense

Sometimes you go to bed and wake up the next morning and everything is different and you don’t know why. You are elated one day and paralyzed with anxiety the next. All of a sudden you love green olives or don’t care about your bad highlights or hate your boyfriend. Sometimes nothing makes sense.

 Sometimes you are madly in love and you put yourself through medieval-style emotional torture on the tiny little slim chance you’ll get some measure of reciprocity and everyone you know tells you to move on, to leave it behind, to assert yourself and demand what you deserve. And you can’t and you can’t and you can’t and you can’t and then all of a sudden one day you can and it’s block — defriend — unfollow — delete — exit — the end.

 Sometimes the only future you can see is a certain way. Eggs at brunch and comfortable sex and Bed Bath and Beyond forever. And the loss of that vision is like a death. You have to mourn it and say goodbye and start to think, “This can never be,” instead of “If only.” And then you’re faced with the awful, magical, existentially dreadful indefinite future where you have a world of possibility available to you yet nothing is for certain. No guarantees. No security. But no f-cking toxicity.

And nothing makes sense but nothing is confusing either. You’re floundering without an inner tube but you’re in six inches of water. The second you’re left alone and your flailing isn’t drawing poo-poos and omgareyouoks from everybody around you, you realize that things aren’t so bad, really. Unfamiliar, but not bad.

And you get used to it. You float on your back and wrap yourself in the comfortable blanket known as the exhale and then the not-making-sense part becomes the status-quo part. It feels good. Lovely even, like an over-poured glass of whiskey in the middle of the day.

Then there will be the times when you think the part that makes sense doesn’t make sense and the not-making-sense part does. It’s like getting knocked off your feet in the ocean and being unsure where the surface is as you get tossed and trashed around by the erratic, unthinking current. Given the choice, would you rather be tortured but feel deep and meaningful or happy but complacent? Is it better to have a healthy relationship in the present tense or the hope of a happier, longer one in the hypothetical future? Do you even know what you want? Do you cry because you miss him or because you hate him?

It doesn’t make sense and it might not ever again. But maybe if you try really hard or relax in the recognition that it doesn’t, you can make a little sense of the nonsense.


(been feeling like nothing makes sense way too often this year, especially recently. too many nights last week.)

thought catalog! Started reading articles again today(: work done=0 sigh but yesterday was very productive so it kinda makes up for it I guess.

also, childhood movies, the important things in life, romantics aren't hopeless.

rockclimbing tomorrow excited! and ora for the first time in 2 years. maggie's last concert at night too, and I'm not going for rproj but Uncle Jo(e) I hope you have fantastic shows and a great time(:
Today I woke up, lazed around in bed semi-conscious, came to the conclusion that, among other things, my best friends are all fitter than me and I'm an unfit fat blob, and then went back to sleep.

Today I also realised that my sister leaves good food for me(: and my mum and dad are both set in their ways in a few things, although open-minded in others. My mum in particular should stop trying to force too many things down my throat sigh.

It's been a slack week, spent Monday noticing the wrong things and misinterpreting too much, but it got better~ haven't done much work this week but it's been an okay one nonetheless. Saybons for dinner with Melvin Bern Clarissa on friday(: Motivation to do work is coming back and the weekend's been relatively productive haha.

Phone really needs to stop dying on me though): my batt life is limited to around 50% now omg really need to back up everything and start using my uncle's old iphone. Haven't found the time to back up though sheesh maybe I'll do it tomorrow night.

CT results are all back, am happy! :D Although I know not everyone is as happy as I am so I've been trying to keep quiet about it. But yeah I'm very content and satisfied. And planning to work harder for CT2 cos everything was dumped in too quickly so it flowed out too quickly, need to start mugging and making proper History notes soon...A levels being in about 7 months kinda puts everything in perspective.

Goal for CT2: nothing below B. Would be quite happy to see straight Bs, although an A would be nice haha got my first A!! Was quite a shock although admittedly they were lenient heh.

Also got my first A for As, PW:) The complete shock that hit me with an A when Yingxin and I were prepared to drop everything and zao home and cry hahaha. Someone spread a rumour that our A rate was really low and we were both praying so hard for just a B, we were so scared of a C. Had to look twice before celebrating haha was so glad! And proud of my class, everyone who did PW last year got an A. Although I know the A rate isn't the same in other schools sigh I wish some people would be more sensitive to others who didn't get As.

NAPFA was terrible though I don't think I've ever run so slowly in my life): and it sucks to know that you could have done so much better, you just lost all motivation and determination. I have zero muscle ache wtp. The one upside is that I just managed a D for jumping with a really nice PE teacher. Will be content with Silver again sigh. Will learn from this and not lose motivation for other things (like studying).

Saw this on fb and thought it was a good speech: Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

This time last week I was writing my RI Chapter thing for Civics, and realised that my personal mantra really is Keep Calm and Carry On:)

When I get bored I start reading things. My cousin tagged me in this, it's pretty good too!

Oh yeah been seeing Part Cs around(: they're as cute as ever and funny haha wish I could talk to them more. I miss my juniorssss. Will try to talk to them next time I see them haha.
Teeqa was right about Titanic being very quotable haha Jolynn's been quoting from it since watching the 3D version and I spent ages reading the IMDB page-.-

But yeah, despite the movie being slightly over 3h long and despite having watched it too many times to remember, I still watch it every time it shows on Channel 5 haha. As Deenie says 'part 1 before the news and part 2 after the news right! And they always cut for news in the middle of the exciting part!' Such a dramatic romantic show but it was the top grossing film until Avatar~ And there's Leonardo DiCaprio haha one of my favourite actors.

I quite like Nick Pitera's cover(: epic song ttm (for an epic movie). I like Titanic! It's interesting to see how people respond to the 3D movie though haha (mostly the girls squeal and the guys awkwardturtle at one side). Appeals to the sappyromantic side of me heh but I don't think I'll find the time (or the $$) to watch the 3D version...seen the show so many times already.

Edit: added in something from draw something haha it's nice to receive complicated drawings haha I saved all those Gen drew particularly nicely~
Haven't blogged in ages and it seems like another age before I start blogging regularly again. Need to start taking photos of the fun stuff that happens this year, though few and far between :/ I miss Goldensriah sleepover is impossible to coordinate)):

CT results have been okay so far, generally better than expected. Except History FML need to work like crazy on history. Consistently mediocre :/

Life has been okay, despite the workload and being able to go out less. Am coping with the work I guess but struggling to find time for revision. And I miss going out. Starting to feel like I'm losing the motivation to work like crazy though :/ which is baddd cos I have so much to revise sigh.

Couldn't foresee getting through this year without a major breakdown, but I don't foresee the breakdown so soon. Think I'd have more determination than that... on another note, napfa next week. Praying for awesome mood and awesome weather and good days because I want a goldddd and really would not like to settle for silver. SBJ wtp I've been freaking failing.

Moving on to more interesting things, Shawn reckons everyone looks like an animal, no matter who they are. Like in Golden Compass where they all have their souls in animal form.

Shawn is Sid



When you sacrifice what you want for what someone else wants because you are happier when someone else is happier, is that still your own happiness?



No training today! So I'm on the train home instead haha. Hope today is productive got a ton of work to do after sleeping most of the weekend away~

Selection camp was pretty good! It's pretty cool to realise that these people will be our j1s. Wonder if we'll end up having a second round. But odac is getting pretty intensive, listened to Adalie ramble about sick people and screwed up sleep cycles and yeah, it's pretty intensive even without courses and extra activities. Bike rally this weekend I hope its fun(:

Yesterday I had a minor epiphany although it seemed not to fit what I wrote last night. Among a few other things, I'm very grateful for my batch(: wouldn't have wanted to be in any other. And I'm glad that despite whatever disputes, stuff has come out and we're more bonded than last year. And maybe it's just me but I'm glad I can talk to most people, if not everyone. Still not over some things, but it's been 2 years in the past now and I know I'll get over it by the end of this year. Because the end of this year signifies the end of a lot of things.

Childhood stuff haha I recognise nearly everything!(:

Need to start working on get-fit plans heh. And it feels good to be less sick (even though I'm still sick-.-), no more unhealthy stuff tomorrow~

CTs in less than a month damnnn.

Clare
SACPS SHPS RGS RJC
RGSNCCLANDPartDs'10
RGSLibrary
413'10
ODAC 27
Photography



March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012


3
Amelia
AYJ
Clar
Deenie
Fon
Kei Nin
Knights & Shieldmaidens
Li Keen
Maggie
Maria
Matt
Rachel
Shawn
Victoria
Yan Han
Yu Hui


Designer: doughnutcrazy
Image: oktyabr
Textures: kiho-chan
Brushes: funeralmonster